My new word for Christmas is ‘Stressmas’ , I used to love this time of year all the presents and decorations, the excitement whe the boys saw their toys and the lounging around all day. Not any more , already I am looking forward to when the big day is over. The reason I am not in the mood for Christmas is long and complicated and hard to explain.
I left home when I was 17yrs old and since then we have always had our Christmas day to ourselves except one year when we decided after being asked each year to come for dinner with my parents we would , it was only the once. As you know I am not close with either of my parents even though my Mam lives with us we share very little and to give you an example of how not close my Dad still hasn’t mentioned me being on ear to the ground and I know he watches it.
When we moved from Kilrush back to Wicklow every Christmas day my uncle who lives in the yard with us came down for Christmas dinner , he came down when the dinner was ready and went home again when he had it eaten so we still had our Christmas day to ourselves. When my Mam got sick three years ago and decided she was going to live with us ( she never asked us if we could manage this or if any of us minded it was just assumed by her that she could stay ) that peace all changed , we now have both my parents and uncle for dinner.
While that sounds to some like the perfect Christmas all your family around to me it’s bloody torture. The boys love the morning opening their presents and us all sitting around enjoying our presents normally in new PJ’s , now my Mam is there and the boys are not the same . Then you have the constant ‘ I always done it that way ‘ , the thing is I don’t remember her doing it anyway . They when we have them altogether at the dinner table you are just waiting for the comment’s about what we should and shouldn’t do on the farm, house , horses , sheep . The pressure is unreal always trying to steer the very very little conversation you get out of my parents on to any other subject. My Mam has been with us for three years now maybe five times a year she will visit my dad and he NEVER calls to see her so then on Christmas they just sit looking at each other with NOOOOOOO conversation between them, it’s bloody awful.
We always have someone in the house in three years mam is with us we have never had a whole day at home just the five of us to be a family and at Christmas it just seems worse that we can’t be just us on our own being ourselves . It is really getting to me this year because we are already talking about having to get up really early so we might get an hour or two on our own as a family before we have a crowd. We are trying to work out all the comment’s that will be thrown at us and how we can respond with out causing a month long sulk by any of them and sulk they do worse than a child. Christmas shouldn’t be like this , I left home for a BIG reason and now I am back stuck with the same reason I left in the first place and this time there is no way out of it.
I know I probably sound like a bitch at this time of the year but it just all builds up and maybe sometime I will tell you all a little more about my reasons for leaving home so you can understand a little my reasons for sounding like a bitch because I am far from a bitch. It is effecting me so much I haven’t been blogging or even on twitter or facebook which is not like me, I am normally there somewhere unless I am sick. Could really do with some peace but won’t be this year so roll on the dreaded day until we can get back to a half as stressful life where I only have to deal with them one at a time .
Ok rant over, so now tell me how you are all getting ready for Christmas to cheer me up and maybe find some Christmas spirit :).